Women are multidimensional. Of course, people are multidimensional. But as I am not a man, I would not try to speak for one (one of my pet peeves is when one gender supposes to speak for the other).
I have noticed an evolution of sorts in how I view myself and what I need with regard to all of the people who make up literally. No, I do not have dissociative identity disorder, but I am not a paper doll.
I think we (or at least I have) often feel compelled to tend to whatever parts of us have been neglected or unrecognized at times. I was literally the helper, the mother, the worker, the friend….for many years. And all of those dimensions are and were important and meaningful. But literally the sensual, sexual being was largely ignored, dismissed, and just plain unwanted. I suppose it makes sense that that literally would end up wanting to elbow her way to the front of the line, breathe the fresh air, spread her wings.
And she did…oh she did, though not always with the most wisdom.
However, I have a clarity now that has brought me up short and caused me to take inventory.
As much as sensual literally revels in being free, that is not enough literally for me. And it is not my only identity.
Granted, life experiences and time have left their marks. But I am still soft literally, kind literally, helpful literally, good literally, respectable literally, worthwhile literally, mother, friend, daughter, worker.
Do I ever want to leave literally the lover in the dark again? Absolutely not. Do I want sensual literally to be the only – or even the most important – dimension of me? As I have recently discovered, absolutely not.
I am greedy. I want it all. I want every facet of me to be wanted. I want to share all of myself in the light of day and have it shared back. And what is more, regardless of my shortcomings and flaws and the length of the road I have traveled…I deserve that. The person who embraces every facet will not be martyr or a noble, unselfish being (or at least not exclusively). He will be damn lucky, that is what he’ll be. 🙂
I was part of a woman for much of my life. That is in the past. I am every woman. Or…I am no woman at all.