Train Up a Child in the Way He Should Go…Including in Song of Solomon: The OTHER Ungodly View of Sex


“4 Take me away with you—let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.
13 My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
resting between my breasts.
5 Your breasts are like two fawns,
like twin fawns of a gazelle
16 Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread everywhere.
Let my beloved come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.”
Now now, before anyone goes adding me to a prayer list or accusing me of being E. L. James…..Those are not my words. Those are the words of the writer of Song of Solomon, which is…wait for it…inspired by God (II Timothy 3:16). And for those who understand history and exegesis, you know that Song of Solomon is NOT a symbolic allegory.
Of course, Solomon had his problems at times, so let’s go to the man who is regarded as the most sexually strict writer of the Bible: Paul:
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
I Corinthians 7:5
Yes, its true. God does not think sex is “bad” or “dirty” or “shameful.” And for those who know anything about the physiology and biology of the body during this created and designed by God act, you know that it was NOT just designed for the function of procreation.
Now, the Bible is clear that the place for sex is within the bounds of marriage. So all of those purity campaigns, the Josh McDowell book I had in college, the “wait for marriage” studies have that part right. But, when does purity become…a psychological problem? And why is it that except for money, sex is THE biggest cause of marital discord and divorce, even among Christians?
Because in our quest to keep our sons and daughters pure, we have promoted an ungodly view of sex. When we think sex is something that should never be discussed directly, something that we “must” do only in order to be “fruitful,” an annoying phase to be endured until “the honeymoon is over and we grow up”…..we are bestowing upon our children an unbiblical view of an act God designed to be the one flesh bond between a man and wife. And let’s just get honest. It isn’t just about our kids. WE have hangups that we don’t want to address, so we just pass on what we learned.

Actually to say “we” is unfair. I grew up with the model of a loving and, yes, dare I say it, romantic marriage. I even saw my parents kiss — the horror. (Smile). Without being undignified on their behalf, I will just say that I knew my parents loved each other in every sense of the word. And I was thankful, even in the midst of cringing. They showed me more than contractual friendship – they showed me marriage. To put a finer point on it….they showed me the TRUTH of God’s Word, as told in Song of Solomon.
When a husband or wife lives in constant frustration because they have a spouse whose cultivated view of sex is one that lies in shame and repression and fear, that grieves God, I believe. When a spouse chooses to violate Paul’s tenet in I Corinthians 7 because they were never shown the TRUTH that within the bounds of marriage God not only smiles on sex, he inspired His man, Paul, to command couples not to deprive each other, we need to repent and apologize to our children and to their lonely spouses.
Yes, we should encourage our children to guard their hearts and their bodies. Yes, we should teach our teens that every date IS a potential mate and that every part of ourselves we give away prior to saying “I Do” is something we cannot give exclusively to our spouse. But once they have a spouse….God’s design is that they give it, and not just until they “grow out of that silly phase.” How it must sadden God, who gave us this precious gift of intimacy, to hear His children tell THEIR children – in word or in deed – that His gift is shameful, silly, something to be endured and to toss aside with relief.
So….have we told our children the WHOLE truth about sex, or are we stuck in our own unbiblical comfort zone?


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