The Middle Aged Swirly King as a Tragic Figure



We all know him.  In high school and perhaps college he scored the touchdown, got the girl, and made us swoon.  He flashed those pearly whites, he made cover of the local sports page, and he had scouts coming to see him every Friday night.  he ruled the field, the prom……and the bathroom.

Yes, it wasn’t very kind of him to take someone who had not been given his particular genetic code and dunk that poor specimen head first into the toilet and flush.  For girls with heart, it took a little of the shine off his dazzling smile to hear that he had taken the underwear of those who didn’t inherit passing and kicking prowess and pull it up over the back of their heads.  No, it is not something we would say we condone.  But…the guy was 17, hormonal, and drunk with small town gridiron power.  One day he will grow up and shake his head with a bit of shame over how he treated those who didn’t shine in the weight room.

Except……sometimes he doesn’t.  Sometimes at 30, 40, or 50 he is still puffing out his chest and measuring his worth by reminiscing over the number of skinny math geniuses he caused to quake, how many science nerds had to go home to wash and dry their hair after encountering him in the bathroom.  They will, in mid age, when their 6 pack is replaced with an abdomen striving for three and the hairline has receded farther back than their defense pushed the visiting team, still look at the math nerd or the mild mannered geek with disdain.  Perhaps the fact that the mild mannered Geek owns microsoft while he is still telling stories about the big championship game in ‘82 makes this somewhat pitiable man-boy insecure. Who knows…..I have not experienced what it feels like to peak in high school, so I couldn’t really say.

I look at my own school experience, beginning with childhood.  I see incidents where I was bullied, and I see incidents where I was the bully.  however, I am no longer 9…. or 12…or 16…..I am a 44 year old woman.  I would be hard pressed to even find one of my school yearbooks.  In short, I have grown over the last 27 years.  Thank God.  Most of us do.

But what of the thin haired man who dresses too young and still takes pot shots at any guy who is not consistently in touch with how much he can bench press?  I don’t know.  It would be hypocritical of me to find him amusing……so I mostly find him sad.  I wonder if his letter jacket keeps him warm at night……..

So if you are reading this, you are over 40, and it has been less than a year since you extolled your wedgie prowess or head flushing skills…….think about it.  Is this something an intelligent middle aged male should still be bragging about?  Maybe it’s time to graduate.


2 thoughts on “The Middle Aged Swirly King as a Tragic Figure

  1. It amuses me how men talk about their glorious high school days, and nothing much else. Haven’t they done anything interesting since then?

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